airport security

Amd just like that, Phuket blew it. Airport security, starting with the World's Most Vigilant X-ray Monitor, decided that I should not be allowed to carry on my nail scissors. Fuck them. I had already gone through immigration (and an earlier x-ray machine) so no way to go out and check it. Have to wait for the airline staff to get to the gate and have them check it.

In the worst kind of foreign-tourist way, I'm also sick of how bad everyone's English is here. Their mispronunciation of the words they do know are often very difficult or impossible to understand. For example, I was told by three different people that I have to wait for "satap ailine." What the fuck is satap? I ask and they are unable to come up with a different word, describe what it is, or anything. My best guess now is that they mean "staff." Waiters and taxi drivers also don't understand enough English to understand orders. For example I just ordered a sausage egg and cheese sandwich on a baguette from a shitty cafe in the airport. What I got was a bacon and cheese sandwich on a bagel, which was on the menu but not even that close to what I wanted. The guy at my hostel in Kata and I took like 15 minutes to have the following conversation:

Me: can I get a taxi to the ferry tomorrow morning? Should I call one now?
Him: yes, and let me call one for you.

Pakistan works much, much better than this place despite being poorer and not having goddamn electricity.

These are small complaints in the scheme of things and really I'm just whining. Bah.

Now I'm listening to A Love Supreme in my seat on the plane and breathing deeply. Everything is awesome. 

redemption

Phuket redeemed itself in a big way last night. After spending the day on Phi Phi, which was lovely and I wish I'd spent more time there, I relocated to Patong, the main party town on the island. This was triply good. One, the place I stayed was friendlier than in Kata. Two, the guy recommended a restaurant for dinner that was the best meal I had in Thailand: fried kale and crispy pork and yummy pad thai and a beer for $4. Three, after wandering around the sensory overload that is the main drag, a woman asked me to take a pic of her and her group. I happily obliged and then asked where they were from. They said Serbia. I said where are you going and they said the beach. I said mind if I join you? They said sure. Hey presto, NYE friends!

The beach was packed, bumpin music, hundreds of Chinese lanterns floating into the sky, beer and Serbian moonshine, a thirty-second countdown, silly string, fireworks, a grin on my face. Happy. Plus I'll get some good recommendations for my trip with M&D in March.

On to Singapore. 

the sympathizer

Started slow, nearly gave up about a third in. Glad I didn't. My objections to the first part -- where's this all going, why does the format of a written confession seem so forced, or maybe so half-assed -- were satisfied by the end. Not a Great Book but I can see why it won the Pulitzer.

And man it's good to read books by people of color about themselves and their stories. White consciousness of the Vietnam War is, obviously, profoundly limited. Mine being no exception. So this book was an education, too. 

phuket cont'd

My first Thai massage was a disappointment. Mediocre. Felt like the woman knew the steps to take but not why she was taking them or what they were supposed to do. Oh well it was only $8-9, standard price here. 

I've never been around such open prostitution before. Might have been solicited before but I can't remember a specific event. It's gross here: old white men walking hand in hand down the street or on the beach with young Thai girls. And women who perch at bars and call out to you to come buy them a drink. Easy enough to ignore, but I walked around the bar street in the next town over last night and didn't go in anywhere because any place that looked half-appealing also looked like a place where I'd get hassled all night as a single dude. It's kind of a funny gender reversal, actually. A small taste of what it must be like to be a solo woman in a bar. 

I'm now debating whether to go out. Should eat dinner at least, but do I want to haul ass up to the social town or call it an early night? Plan tomorrow is to get up early and take the ferry to Phi Phi Island, which is supposed to be gorgeous and much less built up than Phuket. 

phuket

On the 27th, at my old friend AK's suggestion, I just hauled ass out to the airport at 10pm. Once there, I eventually found the one Thai Airways staffer -- same guy who'd taken my number the night before -- and found out that there would be no flight that night. This after calling about six times earlier in the day and being told "six or seven hours" until the plane was ready. So instead I went to the ticket office and booked myself on Qatar. Twelve hours and a stopover in Qatar's surrealist airport later, and 36 hours than I was meant to arrive, I landed in Bangkok.

I'm typing this on my phone so the rest of the entry will be a series of abbreviated observations and experiences. 

Suvarnabhumi Airport is efficient. Immigration line was long but clipped along, I bought a local SIM (with unlimited internet!) for about eight bucks at a kiosk, and got in a metered taxi. 

In Bangkok my hostel was adequate. I'm coming to the end of the period in my life where budget-consciousness drives vacation decisions. I could have afforded a more expensive plane ticket to places where staying is cheaper, for example. But I went with the cheapest possible ticket. 

My dinner in Bangkok was eh. Place was hyped and promising: a dive specializing in papaya salad with many configurations. I got it with fried catfish. Super hot, pretty tasty, that's about it. Then I went and had a very expensive glass of nice single malt scotch on the 37th floor of a hotel overlooking the city on an open-air balcony. Talked to a couple of young Thai, one a lawyer for UNHCR and the other an educator who'd just finished his dissertation on pedagogy of the Thai language. 

It is nice to be in a country that is not sexually repressed. All the waiters in my restaurant in Bangkok were women; unthinkable in Pakistan. In fact that's also true of the place I'm in right now. People are comfortable with skin. 

Missed out on a good day of tourism in Bangkok but made solid use of the half day I did have by going to the Wat Pho, a big temple complex centered around a massive reclining golden Buddha. It was rad, although it gave of the impression of having been almost designed for maximum tourist interest. It's still a working temple (and massage school) so that thought feels a bit disrespectful. But it's unavoidable. If you were designing "perfect place for western tourists to feel like they were seeing something exotic but still comfortable" you might come up with Wat Pho. 

Phuket tourists are at least 80% Russian. Most of these seem to be young couples, many with babies. This was a surprise, and also slightly disappointing from a solo-traveler perspective. Ah well, more time for reading. 

The place I picked to stay is a bit dead at night. One more night here but I'm relocating to the party beach town for NYE. 

I had my first Thai pad thai last night. Just finished a lunch of som tum (papaya and dried shrimp salad) and roast duck curry. Tasty. 

Southeast Asian beer is all of the piss variety.

Kata Beach, where I'm staying, is in fact really nice. The beach I mean. Got there around 10:45 this morning and it was populated but not quite crowded. Swam a bit, lay in the sun, moved to the shade, read a bit, swam a bit more, lay in the sun a bit more. A lovely way to spend several hours. 

It will probably rain later. My plan during that time is to read, exercise a bit in my room, and get a massage. 

Hurray vacation!

alone

My maiden voyage to Southeast Asia did not get off to the smoothest start. In fact, it has not yet started. After an intermittently fun, stressful, and strange Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day, I got to the airport around 9:45 last night to check in for my flight. The computer system had crashed so they were checking everyone in by hand. This means that everyone's boarding pass last night was literally handwritten in pen on a blank Thai Airways ticket, and that luggage was tagged by hand as well. Around 12:30 AM, an hour after our scheduled departure, we boarded. And sat. And sat. I mostly tried, occasionally successfully, to sleep. At about 3 the cabin crew gave a little cheer and announced that the mechanical problem that had kept us on the ground was fixed. Thirty minutes later -- three hours after we'd boarded -- the pilot came on the intercom to announce that we would have to deplane and try again tomorrow.

Pakistan is not the most organized country. Going back through immigration was fine, but then there were just two guys making arrangements with all 300 passengers to either stay in a hotel or write down a phone number to be reached at tomorrow when the plane was ready to fly. I wanted to go home, so I pushed my near the front of the scrum and gave the guy my number. Arrived back at my place at 4:30 and passed out, but not before making sure the ringer was on. 

Woke up at 10:30 or so and texted SRB that I had not yet managed to skip town. She invited me to hang out with her until her flight out, to Bahrain. She's going to visit her ex-boyfriend, with whom she moved to Bahrain earlier this year before seeing a vision of her future with him and deciding to get out. They'd really only just broken up when we met in October; she moved back here a little before I arrived. We talked about this trip last week and about the status of our relationship with each other. No conclusion reached, except that neither of us particularly wants to be in a relationship but both of us really like each other and spending time together. Her going to visit her ex is her business, and I'm about to be a solo traveler. But, as I told her, I like her well enough to be a little jealous already, and that feels disorienting and weird. What am I doing allowing myself to become invested emotionally in a person I just met and whose future in the place I've just adopted as my home for the next two years is unclear beyond the next five months? There's a real chance she'll just have to leave for visa reasons in April or May or something. 

We'd continued that conversation last night, and it's intense and confusing for both of us, I think, to be in this position. We're both certainly freaked out that we spend so much time together, a fact compounded recently by being among the few people in our circles left in town for Christmas. 

Feeling grumpy and tired and weird about the idea of sitting with her for an hour and a half while she waited to visit her ex, I declined her invitation and wished her a smooth trip. And then I went to the bank to pay my electrical bill, which came today and which I have the opportunity to pay on time only because my flight was cancelled last night. It was in this state of mind that I scrolled through Facebook at the bank while waiting for my number to be called. And came across a picture of CZ with her arm around an old peripheral friend in DC. I unfollowed her right after we broke up so this was from his timeline. Not the best moment to discover that she is dating a person I knew and liked. 

It hit me all at once how alone I am. Talking to the fam on Christmas Day was great, and we should all offer thanks at the altar of Skype and high-speed internet, but I miss them a lot and I missed being home (well, in CT) a lot on Christmas Day in particular. My closest friend here is someone I'm also becoming romantically involved with, and she's on her way to visit her ex. There is no one in second place with whom I could speak. And the last woman I was in love with, with whom I harbored admittedly dwindling dreams of getting back together at some nebulous point in the future, is smiling into the camera at someone else's Christmas, with someone else's arm around her waist.

TLDR: I feel really lonely right now.

finishing

The last several weeks have included a roller coaster of a concept note. Don't feel like going through the whole narrative but basically I had misgivings about it from the beginning, then struggled to get coherence in the first cut, then after the second cut tried and succeeded in getting my boss to pump the brakes and say let's try again next year despite his powerful political motivation to proceed, then learning the deadline had been extended and we had to do the best we could with basically two extra days, then organizing an emergency meeting to try to bring the missing coherence and basically failing, then working late several nights in a row to try to get it to some semblance of non-embarrassing shape.

And I did it. Just now, I sent a pre-final draft to London that will not essentially be us throwing egg on our own faces. Among all the challenges and constant learning, it's nice to do something that I'm good at and comfortable with, and cleaning and clearing up language is one such thing. A core competency.

At the same time, the whole process was a learning experience for me. There are going to be serious growing pains in getting the agencies here to work -- and, more difficult, think -- together. Some of the things I tried this time around I will abandon next time, and that's useful. 

shuffling

Am spending more and more time with SRB. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I really like her: she's cool and interesting and really, really independent, and she's curious and open. On the other hand, part of why we spend so much time together is simple proximity. She lives literally one block away, closer than anyone else I know by a good measure (except, obviously, her roommate, who is also cool). So I wonder what I'm missing out on by taking an easy path some of the time, and not having to work harder or make more of an effort or plan more to spend time with a wider group. After all, it's only been two months.

Don't want to oversell the situation, it's not like I've stopped doing stuff with other people or getting invited to stuff independently of her. Although I will say, at the Christmas Ball last Friday (more on that in a second) three separate people asked if we were together, and one asked if it was okay to still invite me to stuff independently of her (!!!). It is, of course, and we are not "together." We are in the same circle, more or less, so we'd end up doing a lot of the same things and going to the same parties regardless, so that's a bit of a moot point. She and I talked about expectations a little while ago and we both agreed that we're not ready to be in a relationship. Twofold solution: (1) keep planning and inviting more people to do stuff, and (2) have another frank discussion about what's happening.

TLDR: It's notable that I found someone I really like so quickly, and it's notable that a part of me is concerned about that.

Last Friday was the British High Commission Polar Express Ball. A black-tie affair, so I finally had an excuse to commission and wear a tux. The fit turned out really great, got several compliments, most importantly from guys who'd gotten tuxes made elsewhere and were envious. Only issue was the tie, which was a velcro affair and drooped rather embarrassingly. I took it off as soon as the dancing started. Need a proper black silk tie and a proper linen pocket square and I'll be golden the next time I need to do something formal.

The party was a little weird to start -- we arrived too early -- but ended up being fun. Much dancing, which is basically the only thing that matters at a party like that. Ended up at a good table, so dinner conversation was good.

The weekend was relaxing. Spent most of it, as aforementioned, with SRB. Yesterday afternoon played ultimate, which was fun except when I got clocked in the back of the head by my new friend and erstwhile Polar Express Ball dinner companion EM. Unintentional on his part: we were both going up for a disc and he swung his arm around and I went down. Slight headache for about five minutes but then felt okay, and I feel totally fine today. If I'd felt worse today I might have gone to the doctor.

Now, to the topic of today's post: shuffling. Shuffling schedules and tasks, to be specific. Our senior management team and a few senior managers from the other agencies spend last Wednesday to Friday in a leadership training. This was fine: trainings like that are only as good as the trainers and we had good ones. But AI had not given us permission to drop or put off other stuff. So we had to push meetings around, work late, and work over the weekend to make up for the 24 hours we spent away from our desks. That is...not ideal. If I am ever in a position to send my employees to a training, I like to think I will give them the space to take advantage of it without stressing overmuch about their day jobs.

One of the tasks that we were not allowed to kill last week, despite a concerted team effort on the part of myself and the two education advisers, is a proposal to the Brits that I may have mentioned previously. It's not good enough as it stands, and there will be another opportunity to apply later next year. So we could put it off. But AI didn't want to because it's politically difficult for us to do so: the narrative for the other agencies involved will be "AKF isn't pulling its weight, why did they do this to us? we could have just applied ourselves." Regardless of whether that's fair or not. We'd convinced him anyway, but then the Brits extended the deadline and so again, today, there was shuffling. I cleared my schedule, and got a bunch of other senior people to clear their schedules (with AI's help in a couple of cases) so that we could break down what we have and make it better, together. The draft is with a couple of colleagues in Karachi now. Will find out tomorrow whether it was worth trying again on such incredibly short notice. Fingers crossed.

lahore

Lahore: Much party, very food, such historical, wow. Went down with RF and his colleague MH and colleague's wife MR on Friday morning, in their car and with a driver they hired. It's about a 4.5-hour trip door-to-door if you don't stop. But for people here that is a journey, so we took a couple of lengthy breaks. The contrast with the States is funny: For most of the country 4.5 hours is a reasonably quick trip, only worth stopping if you're with kids, you're tired, or you're really not in a hurry.

Having a driver becomes worth it in Lahore itself, where traffic is insane and driving is really stressful.

Lahoris party really hard: we were out on Friday night until 7 AM the following morning. Saturday was mildly rough, but we got it together because my colleague who is in charge of our conservation projects there had agreed to take us on a tour. Hangover forgotten immediately after we met up with him, it was so amazing. The Lahore Fort (featuring the world's largest picture wall), the Summer Palace, the Wazir Khan Mosque and the Shahi Hammam: all fabulous in their own right, and fascinating and encouraging to visit in their varying stages of renaissance, with the guy who's leading the effort. We are doing it right: documenting in exceptional detail, recreating traditional modes of construction and decoration, and only then painstakingly restoring the beautiful structures, mosaics, frescoes, stonework, etc. The Shahi Hammam is the only project that's complete so far and we just won an award from UNESCO this year for our work on it. A good reminder that my job can be very cool.

Saturday night we ate on top of a building overlooking the fourth-largest mosque in the world and a big swath of the city. It was the prophet's (PBUH) birthday on Monday, so many buildings here were draped in lights. Made for a spectacular view. Then we went home and went to bed to recover from the night before. RF and I occupied a single futon mattress with separate duvets on the floor of the empty second-floor apartment of MR's aunt's house. Very basic accommodations but perfectly comfortable, and free. And she cooked a balls-out desi dinner for us on Friday that was very good.

Sunday we took it easy in the morning/mid-day. RF and I walked over to a local restaurant with another colleague of his and ordered what turned out to be absolutely delicious desi breakfast of fried bread and some kind of chickpea thing and tea. Then we caught a taxi to the polo grounds for the birthday party of one of the guys from the earlier half of Friday. RF wanted to bring him a bottle of vodka as a present. A motley crew of fashion-forward Lahori elites and cousins, nieces and nephews were sitting and standing around some blankets with a picnic laid out that would look familiar to any outdoor event-goer in the States. A high-school event-goer, as the vodka was in plastic water bottles. At one point they wanted to decant another bottle of vodka into a water bottle. As the spare gora, I went along for cover. Racial profiling here is universal.

As we were leaving the group to walk to the car for the decanting, a middle-aged guy with a nice jacket and a huge Hermes belt buckle arrived and exchanged some words with the birthday boy. The woman we were walking with translated for me: That's the chief of police, and he says make sure you don't get seen and actually just leave the parking lot to do it. Yes. So we bought a bottle of water at a snack stand, went into the parking lot, got in the car, and I sat in the back while birthday boy decanted in the front seat. Then out we got and back through the gates like it ain't no thang. All in all a hilarious high-school/college experience. I am 30.

We left soon after because we didn't to be late for the day's main event. After reuniting with MH and MR, we drove (were driven) out to Wagah, the only legal border crossing between Pakistan and India, to see the ceremonial closing of the gates. The ceremony is completely bananas. Soldiers in outrageous get-ups do a crazy series of high-stepping marches and fist-shaking and screaming at the Indian guards on the other side of the gates, while hype men with drums get the crowd chanting patriotic slogans ("Pakistan! Zindabad!" or "Long live Pakistan" being one). It goes without saying but the Indian guards are doing just as much high-stepping and fist shaking. A lot of it is truly mirrored, for example, when pairs of guards take turns flexing and making scary faces at their paired counterparts. Then they lower the flags while everyone goes nuts and that's it. Apparently, the rest of the day the guards all hang out because they have nothing to do.

Totally worth the 1.5 or 2-hour round trip for the 15-minute event. RF and I were positive celebrities as basically the only white people (goree, singular gora) there. People literally came over to us and asked to take selfies. RF obliged, I did not. Not sure why not, because what's the harm? Anyway that's a funny experience. I'm less of a novelty in the part of Islamabad I occupy.

Sunday night we partied again with the crew from earlier Friday/polo grounds birthday party. It was really fun: The most famous guy in the group hosted about 12-15 people in his house (he lives in a suite in his parents' house; very common here; Mom and Dad were out of town so, as one of the other guys said, "The mice come out to play"), and we just danced and laughed and drank for six hours. At one point our host started tearing people's shirts off. This was a predominantly gay group, and so it was inevitable that this should also happen to me. Didn't want them ripping my shirt, so I said he could rip one of his shirts off me. He took me into his room, dug through some things, and gave me a shirt to put on. Then we went outside and to the middle of the dancing, and he ripped it in half. I'm telling this story mainly because I found out the next day that the shirt had cost $400. This is...a different scene from any I'm used to. Closest analogue is the TB rich-middle-aged-gay-men scene in DC but these guys are richer and generally inherited their money.

Monday we woke up fit as fiddles, went back to the desi breakfast place, read the paper, waited for the fog to clear so we could get on the road, and drove back to Islamabad.

What a weekend.

the trespasser

French's prose is strong, Antoinette Conway is a great take on the hard boiled homicide detective, and the plot rips along. Not the greatest whodunit but a fun read.

flight 661

http://www.dawn.com/news/1301042/pia-flight-pk-661-crashes-enroute-to-islamabad

A plane just crashed coming into Islamabad from Chitral. It was about ten minutes out from the airport, just on the other side of the Margallas. A search-and-rescue team from FOCUS should be there by now. I didn't know any of the passengers personally but some of my colleagues did and have taken this hard. Not least because at least seven of the people on board were en route at our invitation, either for a dinner tonight or for an all-day workshop planned for tomorrow. I am not one to take things personally when they're clearly outside my control but I recognize that it's natural for many people to feel guilt when something like this happens. Can't even imagine how they're feeling. No matter which way you look at it, it's awful. Heart's out to the families of the 47 passengers and crew.

It remains to be seen whether poor visibility was the cause of the crash but for what it's worth I couldn't see the hills outside my window today at all. Not even the faintest outline. This is the worst haze people have seen here in at least four years. Makes me glad for the helicopter pilots' extreme cautiousness.

Damn.

trump's america

Cross-posted, ish, from FB:

I woke this morning to the news that the Dakota Access Pipeline had been halted, and that Comet Ping Pong, which is owned by and employs friends of mine, had been assaulted by a stupid young white man because of a lunatic right-wing internet conspiracy theory.

Maybe it's partly because I'm sick, but I feel very emotional about the victory of the Standing Rock Sioux and all the water protectors. Their courage and passion are an inspiration in the least corny sense of that word.

Meanwhile, the attack on Comet is both frightening and relieving, in that no one was physically hurt.

The undeniable power of nonviolent resistance and the willingness of people to endure brutal violence, and the threat posed by the mainstreaming of the darkest corners of the racist, sexist, unhinged internet right wing, all at once.

EDIT: I am weeping, tears are pouring down my face, in gratitude and admiration for the courage of this 13-year-old child. 

paycheck

I haven't been paid yet, or reimbursed for any relocation costs, because it takes about a million years to open a bank account here. But my account will be open today or tomorrow, and then I am going to get the largest single deposit of money into my account of my entire life, by an order of magnitude. It'll include my first month and a half of employment, the week I worked in Geneva early in the summer, my relocation allowance, and my housing allowance. I will get paid back separately for the costs of my trip over here, which net out to just about $400 with the amount I had to borrow to cover the costs of finding and securing housing.

Moving is expensive as hell, so at the moment I have less money than I've had in my account in years. But soon I will have more money than I have ever had. Getting paid is exciting.

incomplete list of vacation ideas

Won't be able to do all of these, but here's a start.

Lahore in a couple of weeks
SE Asia around New Year's (found a ticket for $970 that goes Islamabad-Bangkok-Phuket-Bangkok-Singapore-Saigon-Islamabad...wow)
Oman for a long weekend
Jordan for a long weekend
Jordan and Lebanon for a week+ with M&D
Balkans for a week+ with M&D
Gilgit-Baltistan, possibly trek to K2 although that takes two weeks
Berlin to visit Tahar and Laura (see if can tack onto work trip)
Scandinavia (see if can tack onto work trip)

puppies in the park

Went for a hike this afternoon with RF, SRB, and another friend. It was a gorgeous day, 75 degrees and sunny with much better visibility than a few days back. We hemmed and hawed a bit about which trail to take and ended up choosing one that goes sideways instead of up the hills. Great choice: we had it completely to ourselves. The other trails get crowded on nice weekend days. We ended up in a park about a mile from my house that I'd never been to or even really noticed. Had an ice cream sandwich and then as we were leaving to walk back to where RF had parked his car, we noticed...PUPPIES! So many six-week old labs and German shepherds. Some young guys had brought them to the park to sell. Obviously, I'm not in the market, but man they were so damn cute. So we got on the ground and blissed out for a while. The guys were really nice and a couple of them spoke great English. They work as call center operators for U.S. insurance companies. Also, they're Christian. Best possible healing for the devastating loss last night, about which no more need be said.

On the way back SRB asked her driver to stop at Kohsar market so I could finally buy vegetables and meat. Now I have food to cook for the first time in Pakistan.

All in all, an exceptionally successful day.

Now, to get fitted for a tux and eat some Thai food.

the haze

Well, Gilgit got cancelled. Woke up at 5:30 on Thursday morning, got to the airport in plenty of time, met the Canadians and my colleagues, drove around the runway to the helicopter hangar, had some tea, took off, got over the Margalla hills, turned around, came back to ISB. The pilots need a certain level of visibility to fly through the high passes: the heli only goes up to about 11,000 or 12,000 feet and some of the passes are above 10,000. And it's all sight-flying. The haze was intense on Thursday and I doubt we had more than a kilometer of visibility. Better disappointed than a flaming wreck.

We were going to try again yesterday but the visibility was still terrible, so mission aborted. Bummer, mostly for the visiting Canadian; the other two live here so we'll take them another time. Thursday and Friday then turned into really intense work days, culminating in me getting very pissed at a colleague for doing something very stupid and easily avoidable with one of our partners. Given that half my title is "Partnerships," this is an error that is my responsibility to smooth over and correct. Managed not to say anything rash, but I'm going to talk with the dude on Monday. He will be offended no matter how carefully I finesse it. However, he can't do that shit again, so, whatever, suck it up.

Last night I went to another leaving barbecue for the couple whose previous leaving party I used as a birthday celebration platform last weekend. Sad that they're skipping town so soon, what nice people! They invited me to Scotland and I think I'll take them up on it next year. Surely will have to be in London for work at some point so I could tack a few days on for a quick trip up north. After the barbecue I went to an 80s party at the Brit Club. Getting in was a bit of an adventure but my new buddy RL came through in the clutch and managed to talk the guards into bending the rules for SRB and me. I've described this before, but in short: Non-members need someone to sign them in. Members have a limit to the number of people they can sign in, and the limit is lower if they live off-compound. RL lives in F-8, I think. All good in the end, much dancing, some truly excellent costumes, minimal drama. My 80s get-up was solid, actually, in no small part thanks to a rad wig that RL lent me.

Also, RF returned Thursday from his two weeks in the UK. He drove me to the barbecue, so we had a little time to catch up. Apparently I am the source of gossip, mainly because I am new and physically attractive. Describing people at a gathering he'd just come from, I believe the phrase he used was, "They all think you're beyond the Ivy League." Somehow that's very British. At the barbecue, a woman came over while I was talking with the hostess, to say something to her, and interrupted herself to say to me, "You're very good-looking." And later a gay Pakistani dude at the Brit Club told me he was "enjoying the whole visual experience" of looking at me. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice for people to think I'm hot.

So that gossip is nice. The other gossip, which I'd been warned about by a couple of people even before I left the US, is speculation about whether I'm hooking up with anyone. It's a small scene and, again, I'm new and an unknown quantity. So on the one hand, it makes sense that people would be talking about that. On the other hand, mind your own business. Perhaps it's just the cost of the scene being so open and welcoming: Everyone is very comfortable with each other and with new faces, at least at a surface level, and that means taking the propriety filter off. Oh well. Will do my best not to participate.

Going to the gym now to squat for the first time in more weeks than I've gone without squatting since...2009? Will play it conservative. And then I need to go see a guy about a tuxedo. And get my hair cut. Errand day!

And then, tonight: The Game. May the internet connection be fast, and may the feeds be smooth and crisp. And may Michigan beat the everloving daylights out of OSU.

better not rain tomorrow

Assorted thoughts on the week:

If the first day of rain since I arrived is the day that I'm supposed to fly in the helicopter up to Gilgit and then Hunza, I'm gonna be so pissed. So, so very pissed.

Skype is just amazing when it works. Talked to M, D, and L this morning on video chat and the sound was unbelievably good. No lag, no breaking up.

There is a lot of work to be done here around to turn our actually quite good gender policy into action.

The restaurant in the basement of the office building is satisfactory and reasonably cheap (a bit under $5 for AYCE buffet). I am never bringing lunch.

Calling and writing to congressional offices is another thing I can do from here to fight Trump. Other than give money, which I'm already doing. That is a good discovery.

Got excited this morning, on the Skype call, about vacations. Trying to pull M&D to Jordan and Lebanon. Just wrote to my friend JF about joining her and her partner in SE Asia for New Year's and need to lock in a ticket soon. And after talking with my colleague Salman the other day, I got really excited about doing a road/hiking trip next spring or summer with Linc around the mountains up north.

For example, to Skardu


and Nanga Parbat.

homegoing

Really good. Full of empathy, unafraid, clear, well-told. Reminded me a lot of Morning and Evening Talk. Will be recommending it to people.

the invention of nature

Did not live up to the hype. It was fine but ultimately not a book that will stick with me the way The Age of Wonder did. Lots of character overlap between the two, which was interesting to note. And Humboldt is clearly a towering figure worthy of being remembered more widely than he is. But that book was deeper and more beautiful, one I will re-read. The Invention of Nature read like an unfunny (in its defense, not trying to be funny) Simon Winchester book. 

thirty

Missing home today more than I have been. Was hoping to speak to the fam but they are not answering their phones, which is bumming me out more than I would have expected and more than it would on a normal night. And, while I had a good time last night and today, celebrating with acquaintances is just not the same thing as celebrating with friends and family.

The festivities last night were fun. First went to HP's house for a barbecue and ate some tasty grilled meat and veggies: he has a tiny little charcoal grill that sits on the ground and somehow he manages to get it really hot and cook the meat just right. Then went to a going-away party for a couple of Scots who have been here for three or four years. It was a big party, and obviously not a birthday party for me. But SRB had bought a delicious cake so once midnight came we broke it out. Come to think of it, I'd like some of that cake right now. Wonder what happened to it. And then lots of people wanted to do shots and so on. And then there was much dancing.

A fairly big group ended the night around 4:30 or 5 AM at the all-night place that TR took me to the first weekend. Tasty, cheap, and, as previously noted, a solid hangover prophylactic. Today I slept in, did a bit of grocery shopping and explored Super Market a bit more extensively. Still only looked around the corner that's closest to me, it's pretty big. Part of my mission was to see if I could find hooks to hang the stuff that came on Friday, and to see if I could find a place that would frame the two things I brought rolled up. Partial success: didn't find either but did find a hardware store that sells nails, which will do in a pinch, and found out that there is an art supply-ish place in G-9. Add it to the list of Things To Do When I Get A Car.

Played ultimate again tonight. Tweaked my right ankle ever so slightly. Not enough to stop playing but enough to remember that it's weaker than the left one and I should just be careful and not stress it more than I have to. Afterward went to dinner at the British Club, where I ate a horrible cheeseburger, much worse than the last time. Good company, and after I mentioned that it was my birthday RL bought me a beer. But god the food was bad. Speaking of which, I'm kind of hungry for something sweet. Going to make a bowl of instant oatmeal, drink a cup of milk, and call it a night.

murree

It's too dusty to see anything, but I bet Murree is beautiful after it rains. Spent the night up there with a small group, played pool, danced, had a fire. It was fun and good to get out of Islamabad, if only briefly.

After driving back down today a few of us went for a hike in Margalla Park, which felt great. After that went and checked out a gym in my neighborhood that I'd been meaning to visit since I got here. Verdict: it's a seven-minute walk from my house and has squat racks (multiple!). Pinch me.

...

Okay it's now 4:30 AM and it's my birthday. Had a really great night, first at a barbecue at HP's place and then semi-commandeering a going-away party for two friends. Much dancing, much booze, some delicious cake. And then all-night paratha and meat and chickpeas with a big group. And now bed. Happy birthday to me.

my stuff is here

Cost about $700 more than I thought it would but fuck it, I'm so happy. Extra-glad I got a furnished place because at the end of the day it isn't that much stuff.

First thought is that I wish I'd brought my copy of Job. Apparently I left it behind.

Now I have to run up the street to rendezvous with a group that's driving up to Murree tonight.

Deep breaths.

pell-mell

Wow, haven't updated in a week. That's largely because I just haven't had that much time to myself, it's just been so busy here, both with work and with trying to develop a social life. But both things are going well, I think. Harder to tell with work, I'm still so new. And not only am I new, but my whole position and whole department are new.

Won't try to recap the whole past week, so here are a few highlights in no particular order.

Last night I went to a concert at a restaurant in F-7, of a cover band whose singer is a friend of a friend. They were not great but it was a fun atmosphere. Mixed expat-Pakistani crowd and I already knew or had at least met about half the people there. There is a guy, Tom, who like me is a fair, light-haired white dude with good bone structure including prominent nose and a beard -- many jokes made about us being confused for each other. Some of the people who were there I will end up being friends with. The people I went with were my neighbors, ZP and SRB. Since I moved in I've been over to their house almost every day, to the point where they've taken to calling me "Couch." I like both of them a lot so it's good to find friends so close to home. And "Couch" is a good-natured nickname, I think they like me, too. But I realized last night that (1) it can be too easy to fall into a convenient routine and miss out on building relationships with other friends, and (2) for the umpteenth time, I need a car.

Spent some time yesterday reading about the etymology of the word "fuck." Apparently its origins are mysterious, but it almost certainly comes from an older word that means..."fuck."

Last weekend was really fun, even with an unfortunately terrible hangover on Sunday. My friend TA was in town from Geneva. She and I go back five years now, since we first met in Afghanistan when she was running our DRR project there. On Friday night we went to a traditional dance performance. I'd been invited by two separate friends and was waffling on going -- TA and I had planned to just get dinner and catch up -- but then I looked it up and it turns out I'd met the dancer in DC! Her husband is a colleague, he runs a small NGO that does mapping for emergency preparedness and response. So we went, and I'm glad for it. She was wonderful, but the real highlight was the tabla-violin duet that came in between her numbers. They were, to put it mildly, fabulous. And they played Raga Malkauns! The Don Cherry version of which is one of my favorite pieces of music! I was in my happy place. Pakistani audiences, however, are rude as hell. Lots of mid-performance texting, flash photography, babies crying. And the professional or semi-pro cameramen are, as I'd noticed elsewhere but not really registered, pretty unsure how to do their jobs. One of them, at one point, when the house lights were down, turned his camera around on the audience and put the light on. That is, he shined his light right in the audience's face. What the fuck shot are you trying to get there, cousin?

Anyway, that was wonderful. Then we went over the neighbors' and hung out for a while, which was also lovely. TA hit it off famously with ZP, we played some fun music, lots of laughter. And the US Deputy Chief of Mission was there, JP. Very nice guy, knows Liz's brother of course. Lives in the neighborhood, unlike seemingly 95% of the Americans here, and he invited me to Thanksgiving at his place. Unforunately, I'll be in Gilgit with some Canadians on Thanksgiving, but nice to know I'd have a place to celebrate if that trip gets cancelled or postponed.

Saturday afternoon TR had a barbecue at his place, where I hung out for a few hours. Funny mixed crowd. He's 26 so the bottom of his friend-group age range is lower than mine. Then a few of us went over to the Spanish deputy ambassador's house, where there was lots of good Spanish wine and I got to speak in Spanish for two hours. Also, to impress an Austrian diplomat and her husband by correctly volunteering that he was Tibetan after we were introduced. Apparently I am the first person they've ever met who got his nationality right.

Sunday morning, I paid for the fun. I was drunk on Saturday but not hammered, had eaten plenty and drunk water. Nevertheless, hangover city. Forget if I've mentioned this on here before but a couple years ago I got frustrated with the complete unpredictability of my hangovers. Sometimes I can get very drunk and be fresh as a daisy the next day. Sometimes I can have 3-4 drinks and be destroyed the next day. And vice versa. So I kept a very detailed journal for weeks, of what I'd had to drink what I'd eaten, how much water I'd drunk, how much sleep I'd gotten. No pattern detected.

By Sunday afternoon I felt better so I met up and got that one-on-one catch-up time, first at my place, then the funny, weird bar at the Marriott (she wanted a beer), then at the Serena. It was nice in part to just be around another American after last week.

This week has been calmer than last at work because AI is in Geneva for the annual CEO meetings. I've started to work on the unit gender strategy, which is encouraging. Yesterday I went out to lunch with the three other directors, to an Afghan grill in F-7 that was absolutely delicious. Today things are obviously still a bit calm; otherwise I wouldn't be able to write this post. But on that note, I think I should conclude.

With a limerick that I composed in the bathroom just now.

"Limerick for the little vampires"
My mosquitoes, they constantly breed.
And to feed them, I must bleed and bleed.
I kill lots in the shower
But they keep all the power
'Cause they fuck just like rabbits on speed.

bubbles within bubbles

We still don’t know who will win the electoral college, although as I write this it looks — incredibly, horribly — as if the odds now favor Donald J. Trump. What we do know is that people like me, and probably like most readers of The New York Times, truly didn’t understand the country we live in. We thought that our fellow citizens would not, in the end, vote for a candidate so manifestly unqualified for high office, so temperamentally unsound, so scary yet ludicrous.We thought that the nation, while far from having transcended racial prejudice and misogyny, had become vastly more open and tolerant over time.

We thought that the great majority of Americans valued democratic norms and the rule of law.

It turns out that we were wrong.

There turn out to be a huge number of people — white people, living mainly in rural areas — who don’t share at all our idea of what America is about. For them, it is about blood and soil, about traditional patriarchy and racial hierarchy. And there were many other people who might not share those anti-democratic values, but who nonetheless were willing to vote for anyone bearing the Republican label.I don’t know how we go forward from here. Is America a failed state and society? It looks truly possible. I guess we have to pick ourselves up and try to find a way forward, but this has been a night of terrible revelations, and I don’t think it’s self-indulgent to feel quite a lot of despair.

So wrote Paul Krugman earlier tonight.

And here is Kiese Laymon, a week ago:

I wonder if people who don't live in these Trump states know how hard these folks go for this man. I've been down here in Oxford Mississippi all year but this weekend I felt something different in a lot of these white folks. They're bouncing, sanctified almost, wearing all their Trump shit, eager as fuck to vote, eager as fuck to win, maniacally eager to see us lose. It's not just poor white folk. Down here, it's white folk of varied incomes, educations, all that. Many of them want something back that they've never really lost.

I've never seen anything like it other than how some of us acted in 2008. But that was different. There's a zeal in these folks to punish black folk, "nasty" women, trans folk, queer folk, Muslims, Mexicans. Even though Obama loved them to death (and our destruction), they are full of an energy I've never ever seen or felt before. These folks don't have the numbers to win nationally but the numbers they have are so hype, and our folks are so not hype to vote this time around.

I am a dumb man, but I think Trump is going to win this shit. And that is worse, in the long run, for us than Trump losing. But this energy they have is going to explode if he loses. Win or lose, these folks are going to be cutting up late November 8th. Cutting. The. Fuck. Up. Violently.

And water is wet.

We live in a nation with a huge appetite for our suffering. The nation's functionality insists on our suffering. But this ... this ain't the same shit, y'all. It's really not. If you're in the middle of one of these places, you know what I'm talking about. I know you know. Let's please take care of us. Let's hold on to each other down here, and over there, and wherever we find ourselves November 8th, no matter what, because something more acutely painful than we're accustomed to isn't simply coming; it is here. I swear it's here.

wifi

Turns out having wifi is pretty important. I didn't have it in the new place for the first couple of days because my landlord doesn't know how it works and his 17-year-old son was out of town. Son came back today and all is well.

I'm slowly settling in. The house feels bereft of stuff, still, because it is. My boxes are still in Lahore (come on Wednesday, come on Wednesday, come on Wednesday) and I haven't been able to do a big shop. Went to the chemist (pharmacy) and grocery store in Super Market to pick up some essentials -- shampoo, hand soap, coffee, something to eat for breakfast, etc. -- and, funnily enough, ran into TR at the chemist. I was trying to explain to the guy behind the counter that I was looking for dish soap, and doing that excruciating we-don't-speak-the-same-language thing of pantomiming washing dishes while I spoke. Heard a voice say, "Hey," turned to my right, and there was TR. He's half-Pakistani so he was just standing there smiling as I struggled. Then he interpreted, confirmed that I had to go to the grocery store next door, and offered to come with me and then drive me home. It's a five-minute walk but I wasn't about to turn down a ride or company.

Have I mentioned that people here are friendly as hell? He came grocery shopping with me, and then when they didn't have anything to make coffee with at the store, drove me to another market about a kilometer away and helped me there.

So anyway I can't get some of the stuff I want without a car and I am not going to press anyone for favors, least of all people who are already being generous. So vegetables (best place is in the next sector over), meat (best place is in that other market in my sector, Kohsar), a proper trash can for the kitchen, a coat rack, a rotisserie oven, all that's going to have to wait.

The rest of the weekend was good, continued making friends and wishing the election would just be over already. I am American, there aren't many Americans around, everyone wants to talk Trump. Interestingly, one of the people I hung out with on Saturday night -- the one with the servant from a few posts back -- is pulling for Trump. Her reasoning: American interventionism in Pakistan (and other countries) has caused a huge amount of harm, and there's every reason to believe HRC will continue that legacy at best, and deepen it at worst. Trump is a wildcard and will be too preoccupied with stuff at home to bother with Pakistan. This is a deeply flawed theory, not least because Trump being preoccupied or, well, Trump, could very well mean that the people he enables just go off and do whatever the fuck they want. And he's not going to hire isolationist doves. Also our foreign policy isn't uniformly bad, so there's that. Tried to convince her, but in the end she stuck to her guns: The chance that Trump could be better for the rest of the world is worth a bet against the certainty that Clinton will be more of the same. Very interesting conversation. Thank god she's not a US citizen and can't vote.

Today I got to accompany a few diplomats to upper Chitral, about 15km from the Afghan border. My new team member LNT also came. I continue to be a fan of hers. Trip was good if ludicrously quick: we had little more than 3.5 hours on the ground. Thanks UK diplomat security. Managed to pack quite a lot into that time, including scrambling up a rockfall channel to inspect check dams that the community had built with our help over the past two years. The check dams are there to slow and redirect flash floods and landslides. Talked with a gathering of the villagers. Visited the oldest house in the village, which is more than 100 years old and has survived several major earthquakes. The people in the village we went to use very sound traditional construction techniques, unlike their neighbors in nearby valleys. Curious why that is. One of the Brits and I talked in the morning before we boarded the helicopter about positive deviance and how to explain and take advantage of it, and then by golly there was a perfect example right in our faces.

An interesting side note: The village is Kalash, which are a very small group living predominantly in a few valleys up there. They are animist (!) and speak their own language and exist mostly in harmony with their Muslim neighbors. We saw the outside of the village's temple, which had carved sheep heads by each door and some drawings on the outside depicting, among other things, a man milking a goat.

Now I'm back at home, have wifi, and have eaten a satisfyingly greasy dinner from one of the places in Super Market, just the first one I saw. Three parata rolls: one beef, one chicken, one veggie. Just what the doctor ordered. Oh and with milk that doesn't even taste weird. Can't express how much of a relief it is to have found drinkable milk. 

i can haz house keys?

Just got back from signing the lease for my new place. Picked up the keys and the wi-fi password, did an inventory walk through with the real estate agent. The power goes out every day between 6 and 7 PM so no pics yet. But tomorrow afternoon I'll drag my suitcases over there and start to settle in. I may replace some of the furniture, but one thing at a time. First I have to wait for my dang stuff to arrive from Lahore. Adeel the operations guy said he thought it'd be here on Wednesday or Thursday.

Gotta run now, meeting a guy from the British Council for dinner. 

high security

Got my first real taste a few minutes ago of the downside of living in a place where security, especially for diplomats, is over the top. There's an ultimate game at the British Club on Wednesday nights that I got invited to join. Great: the entrance to the diplomatic enclave nearest the Serena is less than a ten-minute walk away. Some guy has volunteered to sign people in who don't already have access cards. I've been in and out of the enclave a few times so far so I think I know the drill. But. I have forgotten a step. Signing people in happens at the individual embassy, in this case the British High Commission. You're on your own to get into the enclave in general. Until a few months ago, you could do that by just flashing a foreign passport at the guards. But recently they've tightened up and you need either (A) to be entering in a car with diplomatic plates; (B) to be entering accompanied by a person with a membership card that allows them to bring guests inside; or (C) to have a membership card yourself. Membership, in this case, means with one of the embassy clubs: French, British, Australian, American, Canadian, probably others.

After waiting for five minutes or so by the main gate, I called the guy who'd invited me, and after talking with him for two seconds realized my error: I was stuck at the outer gate, and passage through the outer gate is assumed. He was apologetic but not about to come fetch me himself: The game was about to start.

So, deflating and frustrating. I'm fucking American! Can't get to my own embassy without a stupid card that I have to pay for! Needless to say, getting one of those damn cards is high on the list of things to take care of posthaste. Might even just join the British Club tomorrow to get it out of the way: I'm meeting one of my new friends there for dinner (he'll come fetch me) and they have tennis courts.

Bah.

Otherwise the day was good. Found a place to live, in fact the one place I liked the first day. Liked it even more on the second visit, after seeing a bunch of other places, including a couple today that were pretty nice. It's cozy and private, in a great location, has a good-sized backyard, gas stove (but no oven), overhung with trees and covered in ivy. The main house, which faces the street, is disconnected entirely. The owner works for some oil and gas company and lives there with his family. Very pleased, although I think I will be replacing some of the furniture. Now the broker is negotiating with the owner over rent, and once that's done I'll sign the lease, pay three months' rent, and move in. Hopefully the timing of that will dovetail with my stuff arriving from Lahore. Next step: buying a pots, pans, sheets, and a car.

Also, I got my clearance to travel to KPK, which means that I can fly (helicopter wheeeeeee) up to Chitral on Monday with some senior people from WFP and DFID. It's a quick trip, up and back on the same day, but a great opportunity to see some work and spend time with one of our major and hopefully growing donors. 

rush hour

There is a simple pleasure, when alone in a hotel, in finding that a funny, stupid movie just started playing on TV. For example, "Rush Hour."

Worked 11 hours today.

Had my welcome lunch at Tuscan Courtyard, at the Kohsan Market in F-6. Red snapper, mixed vegetables, and a lot of political talk with some of the senior members of staff. Many obvious comparisons between Trump and Imran Khan, although it's not 1:1. Imran isn't as sexist, for instance. But the appeal is similar: a volatile, charismatic, arrogant outsider pokes the establishment in the eye.

Now bed.

stuck in customs

My two big boxes of stuff have been stuck in customs in Lahore for more than a week, and just today I found out why: There's an import restriction on items with a value over PKR 20,000, and because the dollar is so strong right now, the $200 valuation FedEx told me to put on the packages is worth PKR 21,000. So I had to print out and sign a form authorizing FedEx to pay all the relevant duties and fees, for which of course they'll turn around and charge me. Slightly irritating, but also relieving. Also another item on the list of "things about which the HR/admin department has been helpful but not particularly organized."

In the objectives I drafted last night, one is about improving the P&P team's systems. That is a big enough chunk to bite off for the next nine months. But it was a little hard not to expand it to include other systems, given how (seemingly) easy it would be to improve new-staff processes. For example, the creation of a standard checklist would help. And while I have a phone extension list, it would be really helpful to have an organizational chart showing who does what, with whom.

Anyway I'll cross that bridge if and when I end up hiring someone.

marching and sit-ins

Well, the run-up to the sit-in is officially underway. The police have sealed off several roads around the red area, where the office is, as well as the trunk road from Peshawar, which is the capital of the one province where the main protesting party, PTI, is in power. That's no inconvenience for me since I'm living right out the back door and across the driveway. But it's a major inconvenience for all of my colleagues, not to mention hundreds of thousands of other people. It'll be interesting to see how things play out over the next few days. Will the protesters succeed in removing or going around the roadblocks and through the tear gas and rubber bullets that the cops are already using closer to Peshawar? Will transportation within Islamabad be affected, or just on the roads connecting it to the airport and Rawalpindi? How long will all this last, given that winter is coming? Will the PM or Supreme Court make a move that mollifies the protesters?

Nobody seems to know. Anyway, the security threat to me is nil, so the only things I'm worried about from a selfish perspective are being able to find a place to live and a car to drive. Also, finding out when I'm going to get the rest of my stuff, which is apparently stuck in customs in Lahore.

Today was pell-mell: I had back-to-back meetings almost all day, and at the end AI told me to write my objectives and send them to him tonight. One thing that's dawning on me is the sheer volume of (digital) paper that I'm eventually going to be responsible for reviewing and signing off on: every single concept note, proposal, communication item, and internal strategy or report. Also, the SPO for health gave me an introduction this morning to our health portfolio, and one of the things he said at the end was that no one is going to give me a budget, but everyone acknowledges that my department's work is critical. So it'll be up to me to build funding into every proposal, and to build my team that way. I knew that, but him saying it so plainly brought it home in a good way.

Now it's time to leave the office and go to the gym. Enough work for one day, there's always tomorrow.

halloween part 2

Last night turned out to be my Islamabad scene debut. I joined TR at a high school friend of his's house in E-7, the richest sector, for a pre-party drink. The woman's mother is a big-time politician -- the girl had a picture of herself as a ~12-year-old with Musharraf in her room. It's a strange picture, he's holding one of his hands in front of her neck at an odd angle. We played music and danced a bit with the small group that was there, mostly this high school crew but also two people from the Russian embassy who I'd met on Thursday night. 

As we were getting ready to leave I got my first real glimpse of Pakistani domestic master-servant relationships. Quite unlike anything I've ever seen in the States, or pretty much anywhere I've been, in the raw and open inequality of it. A servant, also a young woman, came to put our host's sweater on, and host accepted it without acknowledgement. Then host pretended to ash her cigarette on the servant and pantomimed slapping her, all while laughing. The servant laughed, too, and I tried very hard not to project my assumption about what was going through her mind onto her. Everyone else stood there half-watching and finishing their drinks, and then we left. The staff at the Serena are solicitous, sometimes extremely so, compared to a place like Dushanbe or Kabul, and I've always chalked that up to the colonial/feudal legacy of this society. But I never lose the sense that they're employees and I'm a guest; there's no intimacy. This interaction was weirdly intimate.

Anyway off we went to a rooftop party in F-6, the sector where I'm likeliest to live. They'd gone full-out with the decorations: skeletons, cobwebs, lights, the works. And pretty much everyone was dressed up. There were two other people who'd done the same Google search as me and had variants of the Error 404 costume. I got my picture taken with one of them, a nice guy who works for a company that manufactures MMA equipment. Several people told me throughout the night that I'd met most of the Islamabad party scene there, hence the comment with which I started this post. It was a mix of Pakistanis and expats, including only 3-4 Americans. A couple of people insisted to me that I could not be American because I don't have an American accent, including a woman from California who's even fresher off the boat than I am. Pretty much everyone reacted positively when I say I work for AKF, which is a nice discovery. They expect me to be a diplomat. Anyway there was music and dancing and then the cops came (to the gate downstairs, they would never enter) to tell everyone to be quiet. Very college. 

We trickled out and went to the next party, where I met a few more people and watched various little dramas play out from a vantage point on the arm of a couch, next to my new friend Jennifer, from Iowa by way of DC. She knew or knew of NR's mom, naturally. It is a small world. Spent some time talking to a Pakistani guy who'd been a US marine and is now walking the length of Pakistan to raise money for disaster risk reduction supplies for communities in the north, and to raise awareness of an ecotourism company he's started to bring people up there. 

Eventually the group that I've been inducted into (at TR's invitation, including MM the morning-TV host and a couple of others) decided it was time for very early breakfast at a 24-hour place nearby. We ate paratha (flat bread that's somewhere between naan and a soft taco) with spicy chickpeas and slow-cooked beef. It was all greasy and delicious, although I got hiccups from the spiciness. And it was nice to sit on this little patio in the small hours of the morning and chill out after the loud parties. 

All in all, a long but fun evening. Agreeing to speak on that panel in September is looking like one of the best decisions I've made all year because it's where I met GM, who introduced me to TR, who has been an incredibly friendly and generous host. I thanked him for inviting me out last night, and he said that after the time it took him to get access to the scene after being away (he's Pakistani-Dutch and lived in Europe and the States for a time after growing up in Islamabad), he was glad to help me out. Always easier to have someone make introductions than to try to force one's way in.

Woke late today with a bit of GI trouble, I suspect from the 24-hour breakfast. Debated whether or not to go to ultimate but decided it would be wiser to stay near a bathroom than to run around. RF came by the hotel a couple of hours ago and we hung out for a bit in the cafe. He's also very friendly and someone I'm glad to have met so quickly.

I've got a bit of work to do now, and then I may see if my Canadian colleague CK is interested in dinner somewhere other than the buffet restaurant. Or I may just get room service and watch a movie. 

Tomorrow it's back to the office, and, if Adeel can manage it, a few more potential-home visits. I started the process of opening a local bank account on Friday, apparently it takes a few days. If we ever do hire another expat while I'm here, my experience will be a useful reference point for making sure their onboarding is a bit smoother and better-organized than mine has been. 

halloween

Last night went to one of my new acquaintances' apartment in the diplomatic enclave, where he'd put together some food and what turned out to be a pretty impressive amount of beer, wine, and vodka. Not particularly interested in getting super drunk, so I kept a lid on and just enjoyed meeting a bunch of new people, including a guy with whom I bonded over having first names we share with unfortunate historical figures -- in his case, the last Shah of Iran.

It seems I could party pretty hard in Islamabad if I wanted to. I don't, but for the time being I'm sticking with my resolution not to turn down social invitations. My commitment to that is such that in a minute, I'm going tear myself away from the UM-MSU game and head to a Halloween party. Only managed a pretty lame makeshift costume: a white t-shirt on which I've written "Error 404: costume not found." Oh well, better than nothing. Plus I ruined a shirt to make it, which counts for something.

Go Blue.

loose movements

Possibly my all-time favorite euphemism is "loose movements," learned years ago now from a colleague at Focus in Kabul. After nearly a week, they have begun. Not sure what to credit. I ate some home cooking at lunch on Tuesday with my new colleagues -- they all bring food from home and then share, which is a tradition I'll have to join fully once I have a kitchen. But I assiduously avoided raw veggies and fruit and no worries. Yesterday I had some nuts in AI's office while we were on a call, so maybe that was it? Dinner at the French club was all cooked. Survey says: nuts.

Anyway it's alright, I've had much worse in the past, and it was bound to happen eventually. Let the gut microbiota adjustment begin.

Also, the office has begun to clear out a bit early, because one of the opposition political parties is starting to block a few of the roads leading to Rawalpindi. AI and the security guy, WA, decided to let the Rawalpindi-based staff go before it gets too bad. The protests weren't supposed to start in earnest until next Wednesday but I guess some people got excited. The protesters, led by a cricket-star-turned-populist-politician named Imran Khan, hate the ruling party and its chief, the current PM, Nawaz Sharif. And he's been embroiled in the Panama Papers scandal, which gives a lovely justification for demonstrations. I don't know nearly enough about the politics or backstory here to have much of a view on whom to root for.

No one seems especially worried, even though the last time there was a dharna - sit-in - by Khan's party, PTI, in 2014, it lasted four months. It shouldn't affect me too much, as my whole orientation in Islamabad is in the other direction from the road blockages.

Now, to put the finishing touches on the concept note we've been working on all week, send it in, open a bank account, and decide whether my GI tract will permit me to go out tonight. At the very least I'm going to the Argentine embassy event at the Serena that I was invited to, unless of course it's been canceled because of the protests. Fingers crossed.

the coolabah club

Tonight I went to my first Islamabad party. One of the Pakistani women I met just before leaving the States introduced me, via Facebook, to her best friend's younger brother (the siblings are half-Dutch, half-Pakistani), who lives here. I got in touch with him once I arrived and he invited me out tonight to what is apparently a monthly gathering at the Australian High Commission's bar, aka the Coolabah Club.

He and a friend of his picked me up at the hotel and we drove to the diplomatic enclave here. Took a couple of tries to get in because I don't have a credential yet -- it's not enough anymore to be foreign, apparently, they've tightened security around the bigger embassies. But we got in and went first to the French club for dinner, where a couple other friends of theirs met us, and then drove a short distance to the Australian party. As a generally friendly and extraverted person, it's fun to be the new guy. Like in Kabul, expats here are curious and outgoing, and I spent the night being introduced to this person and that person and being invited to various parties and events, including a weekly ultimate frisbee game. Plus I found out there are pork connects, which is just the best kind of news.

Tomorrow is going to be really busy at work, and then I've been invited to two things: the first is an opening reception for an art show by an Argentine artist, hosted by the Argentine embassy (helloooo, opportunity to speak Spanish!); the second is a vodka-and-cheese-tasting party hosted by my new acquaintance RF, who gave me a lift home tonight and is from the UK.

Promising start to my social life here, I have to say. 

jet lag awake is the worst kind of awake

Barely slept last night, seems my jet lag is getting worse. Lame. Late morning today I went out with AS, the operations/admin guy, to look at places to live, and by the end I was barely awake and my head hurt so much that I was nauseous. Not a migraine, just my body saying, LIE THE FUCK DOWN ALREADY. So I listened, and took a nap. Wise choice. Ended up having a productive afternoon/evening.

Some comments on the houses: The standard of workmanship and care in this country, in the richest neighborhoods in the city, is straight-up shoddy. A couple of the places were gross-dirty, lots of exposed wires, horrible light fixtures, broken steps. But the last place was quite nice, which was a nice surprise, and it was the cheapest one. It's an annex (a guest house, more or less) behind a large house in one of the two neighborhoods I'd been considering. Living area and kitchen on the first floor, two bedrooms and bathrooms on the second floor. Huge backyard, tons of plants, and a big dog named Simba. So that's promising. Will probably look at a few more places before making a decision but that one looks solid.

Highlight from today: AI took me down to the little gallery area at the hotel in the late afternoon for an event celebrating the 50th anniversary of the ADB. So I met the German ambassador, Danish deputy ambassador, head of DfID, head of European Union cooperation office, and head of KfW, all in a span of about 20 minutes. That part of the job is going to be really fun. The internal coordination part of the job is going to be the draining part.

And now, to vegetate in front of the TV, call M&D, and sleep (I hope against hope).

in the books

Ended up awake later than I hoped last name, but I think I can still chalk that up to jet lag, and also deciding to plow through the rest of Managing to Change the World, which is fabulous and which I will be returning to frequently, probably for the rest of my career; also recommending it to everyone. Still wasn't really feeling any nerves throughout the day today.

The day ended up being a little disjointed, which is both fine and something for me to work on, at least with my own hiring. How an organization brings new employees on board says a lot about its systems and priorities. Folks here know all the things they're supposed to do, and they'll get done, but it all feels a little seat-of-the pants. Still, took care of some key stuff today: got a local SIM, signed some documents, met with AI, got introduced to most of the office, met with HR. Still not sure exactly what my day-to-day will look like but we set a timeline to create objectives for my team and myself (Friday) and it'll all become clear in time.

Went to the gym, which felt very good, and then had dinner with my Canadian colleague CK, who's here for a couple of weeks running the aforementioned workshop. He's nice and knowledgeable and we talked candidly about Issues We Have Seen Or Continue To See in our time in the Network. For example, the marginalization of women at the senior leadership level, which we agree is (1) shitty and hypocritical and (2) our (CK's and my) responsibility to do something about, even if in small ways.

Three side notes:

• I have been practicing my card handling skills. Getting much better at color change and starting to learn the double lift. Almost ready to start learning my first sleight-of-hand trick. What I should do is learn a few of the Giobbi non sleight-of-hand tricks, but they're just not as sexy.
• Currently thinking through what my training goals should be while I'm here. I will be on the road more than before, so while I'll join a gym, I won't always have access to one. Under consideration: gymnastic skills like handstand and planche, jump rope skills/endurance, C2 rower for time.
• Also it would be fun to learn some dance steps that I can do on my own. I like dancing and have rhythm (or at least am not rhythm-deaf), but have never been very good at it. 

We shall see how all these hold up as the job starts to take over, but if I could spend an hour or two a week practicing c walking and cards I bet I could get from novice to basic pretty quickly. 

Now to drink some mint tea, brush my teeth, and go to sleep. Tomorrow is more meetings with sector heads and heads of partner agencies, and then in the afternoon going with the head of administration (who also oversees security) to look at places to live. 

first-day jitters, or lack thereof

I accidentally slept until 1 PM today, after ignoring my 8:30 alarm with an "oh I'll just doze for a minute." Only woke up to a call from my new colleague SCK, who was in the cafe with her husband, having lunch, and wanted to know if then was a good time to meet about the LGL concept note that's due on Friday. We'd agreed yesterday that we should meet up today. So I scrambled into some clothes, put my laptop in my backpack, and went downstairs.

We chatted for a bit while I ate a sandwich and drank some coffee, and then who should show up but AI, the bossman himself, looking very stylish in a brownish shalwar kameez and fancy vest. He had planned to meet MU, who's the head of AK Rural Support Prog, before going together to a meeting with the Chief Minister of GB. But he was early or MU was late, so he sat down with us and talked for a while, mostly about politics -- I listened for the most part. Then SCK's husband left and MU arrived, and we talked about LGL.

After parting ways SCK and I went up to the executive lounge, in a part of the hotel I'd never been to, to get into some more depth. It's a frustrating project because the solicitation is uncommonly vague and unclear: as SCK pointed out, it even confuses what are normally different levels of a results framework or logic model (e.g. some objectives look like intermediate results, some objectives look like outcomes). Anyway we got our next steps together and that's good.

AI was supposed to come back to the hotel after his meeting but never did, which is fine. Canada colleagues arrived tonight and we were supposed to meet but they never got in touch; also fine. I worked out and then ate dinner in the buffet dining room, wrote up my notes from the trip, and did some research about opening a new checking account and an investment account. Things I started to do but could not bring myself to finish before leaving the US. Would have been wiser not to procrastinate but oh well. Need to call the banks and also Vanguard tomorrow because I'm employed overseas and apparently that makes things more complicated.

I'm not really nervous for tomorrow, at least not on the surface. The meetings I've had over the last week have been both energizing and confidence-boosting to some extent. I really do know what I'm talking about in some ways, and how to do at least some of the practical aspects of my job. There are certainly things that I will have to learn as I go, such as managing a team of people. Being responsible for the overall performance of other people is, if not really intimidating, then a little bit of a black box.

Plus, I've made my choice. I've taken the opportunity that was presented to me and there's really no going back. So what's the point of being nervous? I'll find out tomorrow, and next week, and the week after that, and the month after that whether I can do the job or not. Fingers crossed.

All those brave words having been said, let's see how easily I fall asleep tonight, haha. I think "haha" in that sense -- in the text message sense -- should be in the dictionary. Haha: interjection: 1. (used in written communication, primarily in internet- or mobile-based messaging services, to signal to a reader that a sentence or clause is meant humorously.)" It's already in the dictionary.

moving, part 1

After spending at least part of five of the last six days in the air, with a fairly packed meeting schedule on the ground, I arrived in Islamabad around 3:45 this morning. Took 45 minutes or so to get through immigration and get my bags, which is not bad. Arriving here has never actually been that much of a pain, it's leaving that's a mess. Will be interesting to see how well the new airport works whenever it finally opens.

Check-in was uneventful, except that the Serena is practically full at the moment so there were a lot of people at the desk. That makes me glad. Wrote a quick email to the fam to let them know that I'd arrived and passed out around 5. Woke to my alarm at 10 -- the harder I fight jet lag, the quicker I get over it, so didn't want to sleep until 2 or something -- and after lounging around for a bit dragged myself to the gym, showered, and then ate lunch. Now it's just after 3 and I'm at loose ends for the rest of the day. Will spend some time writing thank-you emails to the seemingly dozens (possibly literally dozens, I'll have to check) of people I met with between Monday and Thursday, writing up notes from the week, and starting to develop objectives for myself in preparation for talking about them with Akhtar soon. A couple of AKF Canada folks arrive tomorrow for a proposal workshop this week, part of which I'll help lead. But really I have no idea how much time I'll have for it: there is already an unholy amount of stuff to do. Here's hoping Akhtar's right about the people he's hired this year, because I'm about to get a crash course in delegate-or-die.

A few quick thoughts on Ottawa and London:

• Poutine is overrated.
• Ottawa is bilingual to an extent that surprised me.
• The Delegation building (where our office is in Ottawa) is beautiful.
• Canadians are friendly and our colleagues there really do have it easier than the other two donor offices, for all the reasons I suspected. That said, pressure is high to keep up and even expand what has been a spectacularly good relationship with the Canadian government.
• British people drive on the wrong side of the road but walk and use escalators properly, and their revolving doors go clockwise. I feel they should be more consistently wrong.
• It was lovely to see Jen in London after more than two years. We walked along some old canal from St Pancras to Camden -- which is gentrification-hip -- got a couple of beers/ciders and had fish and chips. She seems pretty happy, which was not the case as her time wound down in DC. 
• London, like New York, seems like a place I will be happy to continue to visit but not live. Just looked at real estate in Camden out of curiosity and it's actually cheaper than I'd have expected. But not cheap.
• Got some QT with three consecutive people who reported to Akhtar in Kabul, all of whom I was friends/friendly with from that time. It was really great to see them, and also to pick up a few tips. 
• I'm even more eager to get started on this job now than I was at the beginning of the week. The pace is going to be berserk but there is so much potential and so much excitement. 
• The US dollar is very strong right now.

Now, off to set up my Kindle (I finally caved on that front) and write some emails.

EDIT: Also, got a little pang just a minute ago when I remembered that today is C's birthday. We haven't spoken since April or May; I stopped reaching out after the last time for a couple of reasons that I won't get into here. But I might send her a message today. Feels weird. 

tinker, tailor

Just the best. 

introduction to card magic

What can I say? I've become fascinated by sleight of hand. This book inspired me to buy a few decks of cards and start practicing basic card handling. Fun.

the givenness of things

Much to wrestle with. It's easy enough to not along when she's criticizing contemporary American "Christian" society for its lack of Christian ethics, or when she's admonishing us all to be more compassionate and imaginative in the way we relate to those of us who are different from us in ways that make us angry. But among of Robinson's betes-noir are positivism and materialism and what she views as a reductionist way of looking at the world -- one associated with, for instance, neuroscientists who believe we can describe consciousness through imaging the brain. My own natural tendencies are positivist and, much more strongly, materialist. But, if I'm honest, I arrived at a materialist worldview without much in the way of critical engagement with the issue. It just feels right. Her confrontations, throughout the essays, of materialism, were both satisfying and frustrating, sometimes at once.

At the same time, I have to admit a couple of things. First, this is one of those books that I don't feel I'm ready to read: not old or wise enough to really understand some of what she's trying to convey. Second, Robinson's language is formal and arch and sometimes difficult to follow -- just a step below the technical-writing opacity that she disparages, if I'm feeling uncharitable or perhaps a bit sour-grapey. I don't often encounter books, other than books of poetry, that force close reading in order even to understand each sentence, and this book was challenging. Glad I decided against a philosophy degree in undergrad.

Verdict: not a book I will readily recommend unless I get into a deep conversation with someone about metaphysics. But one that I will reread before too long, in order to help myself understand her arguments, and whose ideas I will continue to turn over in my mind for the foreseeable future.

the once and future king

How on earth did I not discover this book before this year? What a masterpiece. Feels almost shockingly contemporary for a book that began to be published in the 1930s. Morally powerful, beautifully written, almost postmodern in its use of anachronisms and shifting authorial voice.

Goes straight onto the list of books I'll read to my future kids, along with His Dark Materials, Lord of the Rings, and the Earthsea novels. 

the memoirs of sherlock holmes

A lot of these are weirdly bad. There are a couple of classics but most of them are just Holmes telling Watson about something after the fact and narrating the whole thing from start to finish. Way too much expositions. It's almost like ACD was mailing them in, or kind of half fleshing them out and then calling it a day. 

the structures of everyday life

FINALLY finished. Fascinating, will require much reflection. Took me a long time to get through. Will also bear referring back to.

the spirit catches you and you fall down

Enjoyed. It's good to be reminded, as a pretty sure atheist and pro-science person, that there are systems of belief that are incompatible with mine but that have no less power for the people who hold them than mine do for me.

And an interesting, insightful reportage of the problems that can arise from committed altruism when that commitment, that moral clarity, is not tempered by humility. Maybe that's just my own baggage that I'm bringing to it but one of the most resonant passages for me was at the end, when Fadiman is talking to the Harvard professor who chides Lia's doctors (indirectly) for their arrogance. Much more satisfying than Strangers Drowning.

Some kinship with the meditation at the end of Awakenings, as well, in that illness-as-more-than-sum-of-medical-charts sense. 

wicked

Loved it, much to my own surprise. Great characters, great story, excellent prose, real moral ambiguity, real feminism and support of direct action for social justice, condemnation of racism and unfettered capitalism. Was not expecting any of that, especially not the out-and-out sexuality.

So to Katie and Anita and Hannah and anyone else I mocked 10-12 years ago for loving Wicked before I'd even attempted to read it: I'm sorry. 

the red tent and neverwhere

For some reason, the word that kept coming to me while I read The Red Tent is "cute". There's just something overly smooth and pat about the whole thing. Glad to have read it, anyway, I'd been curious about it for a long time.

Neverwhere is absolutely wonderful, I read it in a day. AK recommended it to me over my objections that I did not like the other Gaiman book I'd read, Good Omens. Will pay attention to her recommendations in the future.

what's happening at home

The Orlando nightclub shooting last night put another weight on the scales of wanting to work at home versus overseas. I'm really excited about the move to Pakistan, it's going to be amazing. But there is so, so much to be done here. Like banning assault weapons and handguns.

real estate

Kind of wishing that I'd gotten my act together this year to buy a studio or 1BR somewhere in DC. Not going to beat myself up about it because (1) that's silly and (2) everything this year has been up in the air so not only is hindsight 20/20, sight as it happened was like 20/400. But man, I could be paying off a mortgage and earning a bit of rental income while living abroad, and then have a place to move back into whenever I want to come back to DC. Blows my mind that colleagues and friends who make more than I do don't buy.

For example: At my upcoming salary I can afford up to $2000 or so a month in home ownership costs (mortgage, insurance, taxes, etc.). No need to pay that much, if I bought an apartment for $280,000 I'd be looking at $1100 or so per month. Add on $100 for a management company and $250 for maintenance and it's $1450. A nice 1BR in Columbia Heights or Lanier Heights rents for easily $2000, and it's normal to add utilities onto that, so that offsets. Conservatively, then, I'm covering the mortgage and management costs and probably earning a little bit extra. That may be overly sunny and I'm clearly not an expert but it seems like a no-brainer on paper. And it doesn't need to be a money-maker. Even if I'm just breaking even, it's appealing.

Might be something to consider once my feet are under me in Pakistan. Maybe in 2017. The only thing I'm really short on is cash for a down payment but I can save a lot in the next year. Then again interest rates will have gone up by then. Damn!

the sixth extinction

Deserved the Pulitzer it won, a masterwork of long-form journalism. Riveting, illuminating, sobering. Will recommend left and right.

aaaand i'm back

What a packed week. The meetings were a bit inconclusive, for the most part, but it was good to finally get in the room and spend some time with so many people that I'll be working with over the next couple of years. Most of them I'd met or at least worked with remotely already, but there really is no substitute for talking face-to-face, or for going out for dinner and a beer after the meetings are over. And I got some time with AI (new boss), which was great because he's hard to pin down over email.

Home now to the humid rain, so-far-moderate jet lag, and a need to go to the grocery store.

geneva

Well, after 6.5 years, they finally sent me to Geneva. I'm sitting in a meeting room on the sixth (or seventh?) floor of the office here, overlooking the lake. It's cloudy and the ceiling is low: I can't see the top of the hill across the water. The trip over was not great but could have been worse. I didn't sleep much but there were no screaming babies. Two colleagues were on the same flight, my old boss JT and a woman from our Afg office whom I'd spoken to on the phone but never met. Didn't realize we were colleagues until we got to the office (separate taxis) and realized we'd seen each other on the plane.

The meetings this morning were good, learned a few things and got to shake a lot of hands and say hello. Most people I'd met before but a few I hadn't, and in any event it's always good to reconnect face-to-face. The Afg person and I have been excluded from the two meetings this afternoon because they wanted to have a smaller group. This is disappointing on the one hand, because the themes were both interesting and relevant (the second one is about Pakistan!) and it never feels good to be relegated to the kids' table. IOn the other hand jet lag is a bitch and it's rolling over me in waves and I'm not sure I could have kept my eyes open the whole time. In here there's no one to see my lids close. And, truth be told, in a way I've kind of started over my seniority: I would have had much to contribute in my old role but this is day one in the new role and I'm in pure listening mode. So it's okay. I'm also not participating in the meetings tomorrow morning -- although I think a bunch more people will be excluded from those -- because an eminence grise (not the main one, a slightly but not much slightly lesser one) will participate and they didn't want to have a packed house. That I do not begrudge at all.

In other news, I took a deep breath and tried to open my work email for the first time in nearly a month. Password expired! Oops. Emailed the IT people to see about resetting it remotely. Fingers crossed.

The meetings should wrap up in about an hour and then I guess we're all bussing over to the hotel, which is in France. Evidently there are several conferences happening in Geneva right now so rooms were at a premium. Not sure what's on the docket for tonight.

kindred

The writing is kind of clumsy and obvious sometimes but it's a great story, gripping and disturbing. I read it straight through last night after getting in bed, then stayed up thinking about it for a while. No idea when I went to sleep. 

travelin' books

In Other Rooms, Other Wonders was very good, reminded me of Morning and Evening Talk. Preferred the earlier stories to the later ones but all good.

After the Prophet is solid pop history in the Simon Winchester vein. Great narrative, educational, and what a story.

Endzone really needed about three more rounds of editing but what can I say, I'm an insane homer and couldn't put it down. Dave Brandon, what a sad, moronic asshole.

Call for the Dead is a trifle, Agatha Christie masquerading as a Smiley novel. Blah. 

the killer angels

Like hot chocolate and a fire in the fireplace on a cold night.

in persuasion nation

Overall okay. A couple of the stories -- the first one, the title story, and one at the end called "commcomm" -- were really good. But a lot of them just gave me the same feeling I had reading Where'd You Go Bernadette: I got that I was being joked at, but the jokes felt too obvious or heavy-handed to be funny.