the windchill is -12

I lost my phone last night but got it back this morning, thanks to a couple of decent people. Hurray for being nice and doing the right thing. Also, the windchill is -12.

dream

Also, I just remembered my dream last night. I was in a room somewhere with Mom and a few other people whose faces I forget. I think I had just come back from some kind of physical exercise--probably frisbee practice--and I began to feel tightness in my chest. It was pretty intense for a few seconds and then faded, but didn't go away. "I think I'm having a heart attack," I said. Everyone else in the room panicked, but I stayed calm and ended up being the one to call 911. In the ambulance, the pain got worse and I guess I passed out, but the EMTs must have kept me going until I got to the hospital, because I woke up in a hospital bed, with a new heart and a gigantic, almost cartoonish scar down the middle of my chest.

weekend

This weekend has been discouraging and disheartening. Michigan Indoor, the tournament Magnum hosts here every January, was terrible. We played really unevenly as a team--gave A a run for its money, shat all over ourselves against MSU, crushed Oberlin, lost to a Purdue team we should have beaten by 5 or 6 points. I played great on Friday night (against A), then almost not at all against MSU, inexplicably because the people who were getting in point after point weren't playing well and I had the night before, then okay but not great against Oberlin with almost no PT in the first half and then a bit more towards the end. This morning, I played a little bit more because tons of people were hung over or still drunk from the tournament party last night but I didn't go. But overall it was a really discouraging, frustrating weekend in terms of my own play and value as a player. Compounding this was the disappointment I felt that none of my friends, particularly Gabby (obviously) came to watch. I dropped as many hints as I could to him, reminding him of when games were, telling him he should come, etc. But he didn't get it, that this for me is like all the times I've gone to see him in plays. I don't go to them because of an abiding love for student theater, I go because he's poured time and effort into them and I owe it to him as a friend to go. Well, I've poured more time and more effort into this than he has ever poured into a play, and the one chance he will ever get to see me play in college, he blew. I told him so when I got home this morning and he was reclining on the couch, that I was offended and insulted that he hadn't shown up, explained the play parallel, and went back to bed (our game was at 8, I was up at 6 trying to get a ride, and I was home by 11:15, having watched A beat Miami of Ohio senseless despite not playing all that well), without waiting for a response. To his credit, he got it, and left a page-long apology under my door while I was asleep. But I'm still angry, at him and at myself. Now I've got to buckle down and get this presentation on Barrington Moore done for tomorrow. It's on a chapter I love ("England and the Contributions of Violence to Gradualism") from a book I love (Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy). Deep breath. Also, if anyone is tempted to post an attempt at an encouraging comment or something, please don't. I can't take it right now.

vale should root for huckabee

Because if he gets elected, I swear that I will leave this country. Here's Joe Conason's piece in Salon about Huckabee's dominionist past and friends. Scary stuff.

new link

My roommate Andrew started working part-time earlier this month for an college blog site called The Campus Word. So I'm going to add it to my links on the right. He's in charge of the "World" section of the site. I've explored a little bit, and some of the writing isn't super great, but there's a ton of variety in the material and some of it is really interesting stuff.

first amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. It's right there. No law having ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY RELIGION. It's in the FIRST FREAKING AMENDMENT, BEFORE ALL THAT CRAP ABOUT FREE SPEECH AND FREE ASSEMBLY. Original intent THAT you stupid, small-minded idiots.

This makes my head spin.

old marx

Today is a sad day. I dropped Vale off at the airport at 1:30 for her flight back to DC; she's spending tonight with Mom and Dad and then flies back to Chile early tomorrow morning. A couple of friends are over, and all four roommates, and we've had a low-key, fun evening, but I'm still overwhelmed by loneliness. Whatever emotions and feelings are running through me now are too fresh to write about or even really think about right now. So instead, I'll transcribe a poem from this week's New Yorker, by a Polish poet named Adam Zagajewski. It's called "Old Marx."

I try to envision his last winter,
London, cold and damp, the snow's curt kisses
on empty streets, the Thames' black water.
Chilled prostitutes lit bonfires in the park.
Vast locomotives sobbed somewhere in the night.
The workers spoke so quickly in the pub
that he couldn't catch a single word.
Perhaps Europe was richer and at peace,
but the Belgians still tormented the Congo.
And Russia? Its tyranny? Siberia?

He spent evenings staring at the shutters.
He couldn't concentrate, rewrote old work,
reread young Marx for days on end,
and secretly admired that ambitious author.
He still had faith in his fantastic vision,
but in moments of doubt
he worried that he'd given the world only
a new version of despair;
then he'd close his eyes and see nothing
but the scarlet darkness of his own lids.

back to school

Well, in my one day of classes yesterday, I went to The Rise of the Southern Novel in Black and White (which I liked and which has Adrian Arrington on the class roster, but which I will probably have to drop) and Ecological Issues (which I can't drop, but I liked it so that's fine). I would have had discussion for Race and Ethnicity during the National Period in Latin America (REDNPLA), but we haven't had a lecture yet, so no go there. So far I'm pretty sure I'll be taking Politics and Economic Growth in Asia (with Ashu Varshney, my Gov't and Politics of India and South Asia professor from last semester), Ecological Issues, and REDNPLA (which is a 5-credit class because I'm taking my discussion in Spanish!). My other Poli Sci class is TBD. Currently it's Religion in Latin America, but two overlapping classes on Latin America might be a bit much. So we'll have to see next week.

Today we set ourselves to moving from room to room. Jon isn't back from Philly yet, but since he's not moving, that's okay. I'll be taking Klein's big front room, he'll be moving to the back room, and Gabby will be moving to the double, with Jon. Klein paid Jon off a little to stay in the double so that Klein wouldn't have to share. From my perspective, the whole thing couldn't have worked out more smoothly. Moving itself is kind of slow-going, but that's all right. I've got most of my stuff out of the room. All that remains are a few papers and my clothes. Although, to tell the truth, most of my clothes are either in my suitcase still or are dirty. Better do some laundry this weekend. Before I go, I will report that Gabby has apparently gotten a subscription to Foreign Affairs, which is odd because he doesn't know why that's the case. Whatever! Okay, time to get back to moving.

One more thing: first Magnum practice tonight, 8:30-10. Then Sunday, 8:30-10, Wednesday 11:30-1 every week until we move back outside.