The IT guy finally came and set me up at the guest house, so now I'll be online there. But the internet is terrible so we'll see how useful it really is. Here's hoping the Pul-i-Khumri internet is better than Tameeza says it is.
After I got to the office, I had a cup of Nescafe in hot milk. A trick I learned from Noor N. last year to make the stuff potable. Then Salim and I left with Gul Ahmad, the main Focus admin guy, to register with the Ministry of the Interior. I wish so much that I could take a picture of the registration office. In the Ministry compound, off to one side of a dusty courtyard, behind a lace curtain serving as a door, an extremely tiny lady and an older man with a long beard sit at a pair of desks and fill out registration cards longhand, copying the data down into big ledgers. There's a computer but it's covered by a plastic sheet and doesn't appear to get much use. The only decoration on the wall is a calendar entirely in Dari -- I couldn't even tell whether it was for 2011 or not -- and several signs informing visitors that registration is "gratis free" and that they should not pay anyone if asked. The wizened little woman and the old man are just fascinating. Incredibly photogenic scene but I doubt they'd like for me to whip out my point-and-shoot in there. Oh well.
After we got back to the office I had tea with cardamom for the first time. It was delicious! Never tasted anything quite like that before. Oh, and the loose movements have begun. TOILETS OF AFGHANISTAN, TREMBLE AT MY APPROACH, FOR THE STRANGE BACTERIA OF THIS LAND HAVE UNLEASHED A DEEP RUMBLING WITHIN ME! YOU WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF MY BOWELS!
Excuse me, I got carried away. Actually it's not bad, just...loose.
Work has been a little better today. I was able to provide some actual guidance on something this morning and that cheered my sad, fragile little ego up a little. But really this all ties into my ongoing feelings of inadequacy with respect to my job, that I've somehow snuck in the backdoor and don't deserve to be where I am. I know that's silly but the feeling just won't go away. Dunning-Kruger effect, maybe. From Wikipedia:
The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled people make poor decisions and reach erroneous conclusions, but their incompetence denies them the metacognitive ability to appreciate their mistakes. The unskilled therefore suffer from illusory superiority, rating their ability as above average, much higher than it actually is, while the highly skilled underrate their own abilities, suffering from illusory inferiority. Actual competence may weaken self-confidence, as competent individuals may falsely assume that others have an equivalent understanding. As Kruger and Dunning conclude, "the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others".
That's my hope, anyway. I'm actually competent, but my competence makes me constantly second-guess myself because I perceive everyone around me to be more competent than I am. Or something. End couch session.
Not a whole lot else to report, I guess. Oh, Iforgethisname, from the other night, was much chattier and friendlier at dinner last night. Perhaps he was just stressed out or tired before. He's here doing work for the National Council, i.e. the governing body of Afghan Ismailis. I still don't remember his name, though. Also, Yousef is here, as he always seems to be on my trips (well, he's 3/3, so small sample size). Alright, I've been writing this off and on since this morning and it's time to wrap it up. More later.
No comments:
Post a Comment