Hard to call it a breakup because we weren't really dating but SRB broke things off last night because, long story short, she's not over her ex. That's probably good in the long run, but at the moment it sucks.
1. being rejected is shitty
2. being rejected in favor of another dude she also rejected but still has feelings for is shittier
3. being rejected after making it clear that the only red line was that she be working on getting over the other dude, her agreeing to that, then getting all weird a few days ago and lying about why even when i asked point-blank about it, sleeping with her a couple of times but not having sex because of said weirdness -- is even shittier
Texted with my friend AK about it this morning (her night, she's in DC), and she pointed out that it's not personal: for SRB it's about herself and her feelings for this other guy and the fact that she likes me -- which she does -- is in the background. Also that if SRB is dealing with internal shit then it's way better to have a clean break than be ambiguous about shit. That's true, but still feeling hurt/pissed.
I'll get over it, just feeling a little bit emo today.
EDIT: After cooling down a bit and FB messaging with SRB, I had an epiphany: I've been taking our relationship way too seriously. It's not like we have a future together, she's leaving the country for good in May. (In my defense I didn't know that for sure until today, but it was always likely.) We like each other, and part of me knows it'd be dumb to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The baby in this case being hanging out with and sleeping with someone I like, and the bathwater being my quasi-suppressed desire to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Letting my internal expectations/status-meter race ahead of where we'd decided to be at -- and we talked about it several times -- was not good. Not good. Didn't realize how far ahead until she hit me with the "I'm not ready to be done romantically with my ex" last night.
But talking with her today gave some clarity on what she meant by that, and I think that if I can reset and recalibrate to a much more casual level, we can be friends with benefits. Which is what we should have been, and were, except in part of my brain, all along.
1. being rejected is shitty
2. being rejected in favor of another dude she also rejected but still has feelings for is shittier
3. being rejected after making it clear that the only red line was that she be working on getting over the other dude, her agreeing to that, then getting all weird a few days ago and lying about why even when i asked point-blank about it, sleeping with her a couple of times but not having sex because of said weirdness -- is even shittier
Texted with my friend AK about it this morning (her night, she's in DC), and she pointed out that it's not personal: for SRB it's about herself and her feelings for this other guy and the fact that she likes me -- which she does -- is in the background. Also that if SRB is dealing with internal shit then it's way better to have a clean break than be ambiguous about shit. That's true, but still feeling hurt/pissed.
I'll get over it, just feeling a little bit emo today.
EDIT: After cooling down a bit and FB messaging with SRB, I had an epiphany: I've been taking our relationship way too seriously. It's not like we have a future together, she's leaving the country for good in May. (In my defense I didn't know that for sure until today, but it was always likely.) We like each other, and part of me knows it'd be dumb to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The baby in this case being hanging out with and sleeping with someone I like, and the bathwater being my quasi-suppressed desire to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Letting my internal expectations/status-meter race ahead of where we'd decided to be at -- and we talked about it several times -- was not good. Not good. Didn't realize how far ahead until she hit me with the "I'm not ready to be done romantically with my ex" last night.
But talking with her today gave some clarity on what she meant by that, and I think that if I can reset and recalibrate to a much more casual level, we can be friends with benefits. Which is what we should have been, and were, except in part of my brain, all along.
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