Thursday, April 04, 2019

dreaming about jack

The last two nights, I dreamed about Jack. First two in a while. On Wednesday, I walked into a laundromat to do my laundry, looked over to my left, and there he was, casually looking at his phone on an orange plastic chair. He was about his 19-year-old self, thin and with his boyish short blond mop. He looked up and we made eye contact. I was stunned, unable to say anything. He started, but then composed himself quickly. I guess he realized the jig was up. He explained that he'd faked the suicide to try to get away from some problem, I can't remember the specifics of his explanation. I was flabbergasted and confused, unsure whether to be furious or elated.

Last night, I was at home when we got a call that he'd tried to kill Maura L before killing himself. I was in the process of writing her a long letter, apologizing on Jack's behalf, when I woke up.

Wonder why the back-to-back dreams. While I was making breakfast this morning, the old guilt about not listening right away to his raps on Soundcloud or watching his videos washed up to the surface. I miss him.

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