Had a perfectly nice Sunday going. Went to sleep at a reasonable hour last night, woke up around 8:30, picked up omelette parathas and dal channa from Ravi, ate on the terrace at SRB's place. Talked to Gabby, brought up potential plans to meet up in Europe this summer. Came back to my house for lunch, took a nap, talked to SRB's dad (it's his birthday today). Then back to SRB's to play pool and find our vocal ranges on her housemate's keyboard. Then she started playing songs and I picked up her guitar and fussed around with it a bit, and she came over and showed me a couple of chords.
And suddenly I was restless and wanted to run, and then just as suddenly I felt very sad and enervated. Crying is not something I do much of, even when I want to (see earlier post), but I had a bit of that heavy chest, tight throat feeling that sometimes precedes crying. I left to run but came home and sat on the couch instead. Still sitting here, an hour later. People are coming over to the other house later to jam and hang out and for whatever reason all of a sudden I just want to be alone. Very strange feeling. Not pleasant. I think running would make me feel better but I can't stand up.
***
Yesterday evening before going out to dinner with SRB and a couple of friends who just got engaged and are leaving soon, I talked with Dad for a while. It was the first time we've spoken one on one since I got back to Pakistan and an intense and moving conversation. It's a remarkable coincidence that we each lost our youngest brother in our 30s, although the circumstances of Tom's and Jack's lives and deaths were very different. It's also quite amazing that his parents lost a beloved dog a month after Tom's death, just as we lost Sherlock within weeks of Jack's.
***
Strange.
***
Update: Went for the longest run of my life, 11.01 km (6.84 miles for those counting at home). Nice and easy, right at 5:00/km pace with a couple of stops for major road crossings. I feel much, much better. Very glad to have done that. Now will stretch and perhaps order a cheeseburger and some curly fries.
And suddenly I was restless and wanted to run, and then just as suddenly I felt very sad and enervated. Crying is not something I do much of, even when I want to (see earlier post), but I had a bit of that heavy chest, tight throat feeling that sometimes precedes crying. I left to run but came home and sat on the couch instead. Still sitting here, an hour later. People are coming over to the other house later to jam and hang out and for whatever reason all of a sudden I just want to be alone. Very strange feeling. Not pleasant. I think running would make me feel better but I can't stand up.
***
Yesterday evening before going out to dinner with SRB and a couple of friends who just got engaged and are leaving soon, I talked with Dad for a while. It was the first time we've spoken one on one since I got back to Pakistan and an intense and moving conversation. It's a remarkable coincidence that we each lost our youngest brother in our 30s, although the circumstances of Tom's and Jack's lives and deaths were very different. It's also quite amazing that his parents lost a beloved dog a month after Tom's death, just as we lost Sherlock within weeks of Jack's.
***
Strange.
***
Update: Went for the longest run of my life, 11.01 km (6.84 miles for those counting at home). Nice and easy, right at 5:00/km pace with a couple of stops for major road crossings. I feel much, much better. Very glad to have done that. Now will stretch and perhaps order a cheeseburger and some curly fries.
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